17 Comments
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Abruptly Biff's avatar

Love this!

I live in Sunderland, but not in England. We have bay windows, picture windows, awning windows, casement windows and all manner of other types in various shapes and sizes.

I do love to watch episodes of Escape to the Country. The hosts will describe the property in glowing terms, but the most important aspect, (other than the "dual" one, which seems important to the buyers), is that it ISN'T Grade 2 listed!

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Jill's avatar

Escape to the Country is great fun. In a similar vein, I also recommend: Grand Designs 🙌

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Dena Turner's avatar

I had the pleasure to leave the US in December to see that beautiful area. Your humor just made me smile reading this with memories flooding in.

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Jill's avatar

Glad to hear it Dena ❤️ thanks for reading

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Kenneth Mills's avatar

Ha ha! But one hardly notices, amidst the joy of tripping over USAmerican expats at every village fête..

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rohn bayes's avatar

hilarious / i've never lived in the cotswolds but i've dreamed of it after being in oxford and tracked the isis upstream on google maps / i'm all old england back to oblivion but thoroughly mericanized now

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Wendy Varley's avatar

Very funny, Jill! I live rurally but more remotely than the Cotswolds, so I'm not expecting a US invasion any time soon. How is it for drainage there? I have to pay a small fortune to get our poo processor emptied and serviced every year. No boot room here. Just lots of boots in the living room!

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Jill's avatar

Under the stairs for us 🥾 🥾 🥾 and as for the 💩 situation, we are thankfully connected to mains…. Not sure I could handle anything more adventurous in that department tbh so hats off to you, Wendy. 🙌

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John Lovie's avatar

Yes, I read that Guardian article, and immediately blamed, I mean, thought of you.

Jilly Cooper launched her career writing a column in - checks Wikipedia - The Sunday Times Magazine on marriage, sex, and housework, which I would covertly read when down for the hols from Manchester uni (1969-72!). It's jolly super to think she's found a new audience fifty years later!

Everything you write is spot on. My late brother had a thatched cottage in Great Missenden - Roald Dahl country, and Chilterns of course, rather than Cotswolds, nearest curry Amersham - with all the problems you listed, and then some, like cows outside the back door. My parents wasted no time in selling it!

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Jill's avatar

Wise move… I couldn’t hack the wonky floors, creative room shapes and wiggly walls. Plus Joel and I are not small people, each of us being within spitting distance of six foot…. I draw the line at having to ascend staircases on all fours.

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Sonbol A.'s avatar

These nuggets of wisdom are priceless, especially for those of us who live in 'Murica. My aunt and uncle live in a Grade II listed house in Cambridgeshire and the house is so incredibly gorgeous and so incredibly problematic. I love to visit their home but if I lived there, all the drafts and creaks and tiny windows would drive me up the (crooked) wall 🤪

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Jill's avatar

You and me both 🤝

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David Roberts's avatar

Loved this "stay away" essay!

Serious question: do people build new houses in the Cotswolds? In the Hamptons, there's a great deal of tearing down and building because the land has become so valuable that the old houses no longer suit from both a financial and functional point of view.

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Jill's avatar

In a word: no. Anything listed, you can barely change the window frames, let alone knock it down and start again…. To build something new, you would need an empty patch of land not already designated for commercial, agri or grazing (basically: scarcer’n hen’s teeth). Alternatively, you could buy a pub, let it rot and then try to apply to the council for change of use to redevelop it as houses. Oh wait….

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David Roberts's avatar

Yikes!

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Kenneth Mills's avatar

The boot room as key! And that "solid curry in Chipping Norton"...

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Jill's avatar

Nothing solid about the day after though 😇

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